I had two life-changing experinces the other night at the Jade Cafe in Silverlake, near Sunset Junction. Number one, I realized that raw vegan food (the only kind served at the Jade Cafe) is actually rather delicious. Number two, I got myself a dog. Or, more accurately, the dog got me.
I was with Style Councilor Steffie, who had invited me to dine with her. She was on a strange detox diet that required her to consume nothing but liquids for one week (mmm, green juice for dinner), raw foods the next (mmmm...more green blended shit, just colder) and then a series of colonics and a galactic healing session (for her galactic healing, an energy guru channeled the Archangel Michael and several alien beings in order to unblock her lower chakras. "It really works," she later told me).
As we were sitting there enjoying pretend noodles (they were made of shredded carrots) we noticed a small white fluffy dog strolling by the front door, its leash (actually, a piece of rope) trailing behind it. He looked lost. We stepped outside to investigate just as an enormous drunk man wearing a sweatstained wife beater barreled over and scooped up the puppy. We guessed it was his, and sat back at our table. "Poor little puppy, having a horrible stinking drunk daddy like that," we lamented. But what can you do - you cant choose your parents, right? Well, actually it appears you can, at least if you're a dog.
Half an hour later one of the stinky drunk guy's buddies from the park across the street walked into the Jade Cafe holding the puppy in his arms. He said he had just stolen the dog from his friend. "He's a bad man, he beats up his girlfriend and he's a drunk. I don't think he can look after this dog, he only found it today. Will you take him?" And with that, he placed the little canine on my lap and left the restaurant.
Our waiter, whose name is Kurt and who I ran into at Coachella a few weeks later (another story), had seen all this and came over with an amazed look on his face. "What are you going to do?" he asked. I thought about it for a second. "Well, it is the Chinese Year of the Dog," I thought. Kurt the Waiter and Steffie helped me smuggle the sweet little puppy, who was quiet and friendly as a mouse, back to my car.
I sat in my 1994 Acura with a panting furball staring at me from the passenger seat. Maybe his owner is looking for him, I thought, so I checked for tags, there were none. "OK, so I have a dog," I thought. I have never owned a dog in my life. What do dogs like? They like food. I drove to the 7-11 on Hollywood and Van Ness. Pedigree Chum. Dogs like Pedigree Chum, right?
As I walked back to my car with two bags worth of dog food, a large man with gold teeth approached me and complimented me on my puppy dog. I told him the story and he seemed intrigued. "He's pretty cute, and so are you darlin'" he said, flashing those 24-carat gnashers. "You should give me a call sometime, maybe I can take the two of you out." As he said this he handed me a business card, printed on flimsy white paper. It said "International Romeo". I laughed to myself and looked at my new best friend as we drove home. I had just figured out my new puppy's name - Romeo.
I took Romeo home with me, and like the true gentleman that he is, he slept on the couch the first night. The second night, he climbed into bed with me and rested his furry white head on my pillow. We've been inseparable ever since.
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