Whoreson Bitches and Coincidence

So I finally got round to seeing Brokeback Mountain, on Sunday at the movie theatre on Vermont in Los Feliz. I went with two girlfriends, one of whom has two real-life gay cowboy uncles living in the mountains in Colorado, so she was especially excited to see this movie. Unfortunately, it was hard to concentrate thanks to the elderly gay men sitting behind us. Every time the young male stars started frolicking there were giggles, sighs and breathy twitterings of “oh my GOD!” Almost as distracting was the flap of skin on Heath Ledger’s right cheek, which crinkled up like crazy every time he smiled/grimaced/frowned. Anyone else notice that? (Ledger’s character was called Ennis - although at first I could have sworn he said his name was ‘Anus’.)

As I am sure you all know, this is an extremely sad movie. I cried twice. Other highlights include the scene where Ledger beats the crap out of a couple of Hell’s Angels (them bikers was messin’ with the WRONG queen) and the part where the two flocks of sheep get mixed up. And of course, there's the movie line of 2005/6 – “I wish I knew how to quit you!”. Here’s how it goes:

Jack Twist (Gyllenhal) “I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Ennis, son of a whoreson bitch... I wish I knew how to quit you!”

“I wish I knew how to quit you” looks set to become the “You complete me” of the new millennium, although personally, I almost prefer “son of a whoreson bitch”.

On top of all this excitement, something really weird happened at this movie which I would like to share with you. It has to do with the phenomenon commonly known as coincidence.

The last time I had been to this particular movie theatre in Los Feliz  (to see the Johnny Cash movie) I recognized a girl who I have seen around. She was a friend of friends, works in fashion, no-one I knew well enough to say hello to. I privately acknowledged her presence and thought no more of it.

Then at Brokeback Mountain, I saw her again, sitting a few rows in front of me. "Curious," I thought, but it was nothing that warranted an emergency appointment with my psychic. After seeing the movie, and continuing with the day’s gay theme, I went to my friend Sonja’s house to watch the first episode of season three of The L Word. I arrive at 10PM sharp, armed with bottle of vino, and guess who I find sitting onthe couch? The girl from the movie theatre. Now I’m spooked. Who is she? Why does she keep popping up everywhere?

Me, Spooky Girl, and Sonja sip Chenin Blanc quietly and watch lesbian drama. (For those of you who care, there are two things you need to know about season three of The L Word - first, the opening music by atrocious lesbian band Betty is sadly, very much intact. Second, Shane’s hair, once an inspiration, has taken a dangerous turn for the worse - think Goonies-era Martha Plimpton, with shaggy perm).

Halfway in to the show, Spooky Girl mentions that she had seen Bareback Mountain that day. I didn't say anything. It’s disconcerting that she seems to be crossing my path so frequently, and I don’t know what the hell it means.

According to James Redfield's Celestine Prophecy (best read when young and gullible), coincidences are signs from the universe, guiding us toward our destiny. Level-headed Dr. Spock types, on the other hand, argue that humans, thanks to our innate egotism, tend to overestimate the meaning of coincidence.

“Believing in the significance of oddities is self-aggrandizing," says John Allen Paulos, professor of mathematics in Psychology Today. "It says, 'Look how important I am.' People find it dispiriting to hear, ‘It just happened, and it doesn’t mean anything.’”

Hmmm. So maybe Spooky Girl and I just have similar taste in movies? And maybe it was sheer coincidence that brought Jack Twist and Anus, I mean Ennis, together on Brokeback Mountain? Had they not bumped into eachother that fateful day, perhaps Ennis would have married his wife and never thought of men's bottoms as anything other than anatomy?

Who knows - but as a wise cowboy once said: "Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction."

Posted by Caroline Ryder

Comments

[Ben]

Extremely sad movie? It's two guys who deceive and cheat on their wives to fulfill their sexual desires which their bodies are not biologically designed for. To place this on the altar is ridiculous.

[Ben]

Extremely sad movie? It's two guys who deceive and cheat on their wives to fulfill their sexual desires which their bodies are not biologically designed for. To place this on the altar is ridiculous.

[Dita]

Now seriously Ben get the f*** outta here...your kiddin right, "desires bodies aren't biologically designed for". You could use a quick guide into intelligent biological design from any cruisin queen on any treetcorner/alley or parkinglot to enlighten you on this one.

Dutch Dyke With A Vengeance Ever Since, Dita

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I think it's safe to say that Ben, you're a whoreson bitch....

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