Joshuah Bearman

A man, a plan, a panda, and a panda costume

When we were in China, I always had the feeling that when we weren't around the locals would turn into pandas by night. Wouldn't Ailuropoda melanoleucanthropy, i.e. werepandaism (the former technical term having been coined by me, just now!), be pretty awesome? The answer is yes, it would. That's not what's going on here, but it is also pretty awesome:

This is how researchers are interacting with the panda cubs, so as to not habituate them to people, as they get ready to release them into the wild. I guess that's better than letting us gweilos, or Japanese tourists, run wild in the baby panda enclosures. (Or let's say it's more scientifically responsibility, because in my view there is nothing better than Japanese girls covered in pandas, or being so covered oneself.) My question: is there a chance that this technique will just habituate the little critters to people dressed like pandas? I hope this doesn't affect the people-panda program. Or maybe next time we trek to Sichuan, we will have to wear the suits ourselves, which I wouldn't mind (for obvious reasons).

The only thing better than pandas

Is pandas who love to party. Like so: 

 

Who knew Ailuropoda melanoleuca liked birthdays so much? In light of that, why did it take so long for all that revelry to be collected in place? Even more important: why have I neet been sent that link like five hundred times already? (Thanks Joy Meads, for stepping up.)

If You Can't Visit The Pandas in Person

Like me and Ro Ro did, maybe you can just take a cue from our poodle grooming friend and do this:

Gu Gu Got A Taste For Blood!

It was only last month that some panda snuggling went awry with our friend GuGu. Now it's happened again:

BEIJING (AFP) – A Beijing Zoo panda known for his bad temper has tasted human blood for the third time, attacking a man who jumped into the animal's enclosure to retrieve his son's toy, state press said Thursday.

Gu Gu, one the venue's star attractions, delivered deep bites to both of the man's legs on Wednesday before a zoo staffer arrived to shoo the animal away, the Beijing Morning Post said.

The man, a visitor from central Anhui province identified only by his surname, Zhang, had jumped in after failing to find a zoo employee to retrieve the toy for him, it said.

"The panda bit into the man's right leg, and when he was done with that, he bit the left leg," it said.

The man was hospitalised but not in serious condition, the report said.

It was the third such incident for Gu Gu.

In 2007, the panda attacked a boy, 15, who had jumped into his enclosure, gnawing his legs to the bone, press reports at the time said.

A year earlier he bit a chunk out of the leg of a drunken man who had jumped into the enclosure to "hug" the cuddly animal, according to reports.

What do you look like when Gu Gu goes apeshit on you? Like this:

So listen, let this be a word to the wise. Keep panda snuggling legal and safe!

When Panda Snuggling Goes Wrong

From the wires:

BEIJING (Reuters) - A panda at a zoo in southern China attacked a student who snuck into its pen hoping for a cuddle with the endangered bear, state media said on Saturday.

The 20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to, Xinhua news agency said.

"The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he bit at Liu's arms and legs," it quoted an unnamed worker as saying after zoo keepers managed to calm the bear and rescue Liu, the report said.

"Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him," Liu was quoted as saying from his hospital bed. "I didn't expect he would attack."

Listen, brother, I feel you. Two years ago, I sojourned to China on a panda snuggling mission with my wife and some friends. We had seen panda snuggling on the internet and were determined to see if it was possible for ourselves. During that exact time, another Chinese guy followed suit and wound up like our friend Liu here; he saw pandas on TV, took a train to Beijing, went to the zoo, drank "four jugs of wine" (according to China Daily News), and was so moved by the sight of his new black and white friends that he jumped in their enclosure and put his arms around them. They put their teeth into him. Next thing he   knew, the guy woke up in the hospital with a hundred stitches and fur in his teeth, due to some kinf of automatic self-defense response. Although I would never bite a panda, even in fight or flight mode, I understood this guy too. And I didn't even need four jugs of wine. I too have stood at the panda precipice. In China, we found our way to Wolong, a panda research facility on the Tibetan plateau. There we saw dozens of pandas. One enclosure had a dozen adolescent pandas. We saw them and needed them. We knew they needed us. Our communion was inevitable. Luckily, such communion was made in a controlled setting:

This was such an astonishing tale that it made the news. Twice. And the tabloids. More pictures:

 

Full album here!

I Hope I'm Not Losing My Reputation as a Panda Fwd Magnet

Because only one person sent me this: