Scientology is Gay

Politically incorrect as it may be, I have to say it. I am a full on "fag hag." BTW, I asked my gay boyfriends if it was okay for me to say it or if they had to say it (like how only African Americans can say the N word) and they seemed to think it wasn't the same thing. So uh yeah, I'm a fag hag.

That said, I failed in my hagly duties this weekend by missing all the Gay Pride festivities in We Ho. As previously reported, I am preggo and the thought of all that walking (it's 10 blocks away just from the parking part) just didn't sound appealing this year, even with all the fabulous frocks I'd get to see and new friends I'd make (as I do every year)...

Luckily, I saw like all my gays at the private Peaches show on Saturday night. If you read Steffie's post (below) you know that the P. played with Sam Maloney and the Le Tigre butch babes and that she rocked. I caught the first set, which was really all I needed since she played my fave tunes from her new disc Impeach My Bush (which I reviewed for URB magazine this month) and her two previous releases Fatherfucker and Teaches of Peaches.

Check out this pic I took (it's a cameltoe shot from the rafters which isn't exactly flattering but I don't think she cares).

So anyway, my gays in question include actor Sam Pancake, who've I've known for like a zillion years and whose now a very successful actor (he's been on everything from Will & Grace to Friends). He now has his own sitcom on Lifetime called

Lovespring International produced by none other than W&G's Eric McCormack. The looney gal who played Jan Brady in the Brady Bunch movies is in it too. Read all about the show here.

Also ran into "strong Black wo(man)" Shaundelier, who just may be the first Silver Lake celebutante/cross dresser... he was in LA Dee Da -the precursor to my Weekly Nightranger column- every week! So happy to see him with Jeppe from Junior "Move Your Feet" Senior, who looks to be fully recovered from the hit and run accident he suffered outside of the Echo a few months ago!

Bumped into Clint Catalyst, who was wearing a to-die-for feathered hat from Jared Gold (too bad the feather was so tall it blocked my view of the stage at times!) with manic panic'd singer Jeffree Star.

But it was John Roecker, the subject of a Weekly cover story I did a while back who really made an impression, especially on Peaches who used his head to support herself during part of her set. John tells me he may be working on a modern version of Jesus Christ Superstar soon (how cool would that be?), and he's got a bunch of other things in the works. Chatting this feisty fella up is always so entertaining, but it was nothing compared to the email he sent me yesterday, which will soon be hot gossip after he appears on KROQ's Kevin and Bean show tomorrow, 8:30 a.m. to talk about it.

The following is a copy of the email, and he swears it is all true:

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Hello Just wanted to tell you my story that happened yesterday on walking to my car on Los Feliz Blvd. I was a total innocent lamb   when I was verbally attacked by three people. I was walking to my car in a t- shirt that I made that has an image of Tom Cruise and the caption says Scientology is Gay! And on the Back of the shirt is a picture of John Travolta and the caption reads Very Gay! So as I passed a shirtless Bohdi Elfman and he started screaming at me saying how dare you make fun of my church! I replied just because you have tax exempt doesn't make it a real church and the McDonald's franchise is older. Then he got really mad and said that I had no idea what I was talking about and I said I am well aware and schooled on this cult. Then Jenna started to pipe in and asked me What Crimes I had Committed? I said I have not committed any crimes. She stared at me like a zombie and said the same thing. What crimes have I committed and then said have you Raped a baby? And I looked at her and said what? She repeated. Did you Rape a baby? I shook my head and then she said you Raped a baby! I was totally blown away meanwhile her husband was screaming at me and kept on saying that the reason I was saying this was because I was a homosexual (gee how did he know) to which I said what does that have anything to do with anything if I was gay or not? I kept on asking him about Xenu and he was about to punch me but he hesitated because they were with another man who when instructed the both of them to walk away and covered his ears when I asked them about L. Ron Hubbards involvement with Alister Crowley, Xenu and the death of Lisa McPersion. After a ten minute scream session when Bohdi said all he does is help people and why was I against that and Jenna kept on asking What is my crime...I shouted I know what your crime is. You make shitty Television Shows. Which Jenna screamed back "FUCK YOU"!
True Story and I have a witness!
Love
John Roecker
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For more hot scoop and reports from last week's Shooting Gallery photo exhibit, all the 666 events of last week and the Standard's Sunday pool parties see Nightranger in this Thursday' s paper.

Comments

[Sheira Duhlstrom]

o john roecker is a shameless self-promoter, and instigator with a doll hair tranplant. he's sooooooo punk rock-----uggggg.
scientology is an easy target to pick on.
john needs to thank his lucky stars that he has a rich ugly boyfriend who finances all his whims, and that he can live in luxury. he certainly has no talent, and i'm glad Exene finally rid herself of his dark energy.

[dinodinco]

someone sounds jealous of someone else's purported free ride.

I sent your Scientolojesus post to a few 1000 of my closet friends and I've received a few emails asking where they can buy John's shirt.

They all want one immediately. Maybe to wear to the next Academy Awards show?

[Lina]

J.R. is a *self-confessed* shameless self-promoter actually. I think his boyfriend is cute (and what does that have to do with anything anyway?) Scientology is obviously not an easy target to pick on or the media would do it more I think. Regardless, this shit is funny. Dunno where to get the tee Dino but I will email him and post a reply shortly. If ya wanna see a photo of the tee, check TMZ: http://www.tmz.com/2006/06/13/when-elfmans-explode/

[The Nerd Show]

I'm a big, strong kid, grew up on a commercial king crab fishing boat in Alaska, you know, the most dangerous job in the world? I lived it! Anyway, in between hefting 700 lb crab pots around, I'm also a nerd, and I study science and religions, among other things. Although, unfortunately, I am not gay so I can't give an unbiased viewpoint, I do however like lesbians! Ahem, I thought the shirt was funny and to be fair, I'm also quite familiar with Scientology. I've done some courses (who hasn't!) and also had the courage to show some other people. They (Scientologists) really don't believe in all that alien Xenu crackpot stuff any more than Americans believe in Peter Pan or Santa Clause... Bohdi Elfman and Jenna didn't handle the situation with Roecker properly. They must be fairly new to Scientology. I would have complimented Roecker on his design work. I also make T-shirts (what nerd doesn't?) and I wouldn't automatically assume he's a criminal just because he has the courage to be creative and make a statement. In fact, those who have done a tiny bit of reading know that the works of Scientology encourage creativity and communication and if you think about it, it is actually a good thing that people are talking, so maybe more people will take an honest look for themselves because of it. So on behalf of us nerds here at The Nerd Show, I say "thanks" to Roecker for giving us a good laugh and helping spread the word about courage, creativity and communication, some of the things we really believe in!