No, it's not Warren Beatty battling the aliens from Communion -- although that would be pretty awesome, especially if Warren Beatty had some kind of mechanical exoskeleton and the Grays could project psychokinetic powers. Can you imagine? If you can, stop, because this is a different war altogether, one that rages in england, where they don't even have exoskeletons! This is a war between squirrels. Between the ravenous, effective, ruthless, diseased American gray squirrel, and England's native, charming, funny-eared, red squirrel:
As reported today in the New York Times, the hearty grays are pushing out the tender reds, and the tender Brits don't like it. Their answer: eat the American squirrels!
Enter the “Save Our Squirrels” campaign begun in 2006 to rescue Britain’s red squirrels by piquing the nation’s appetite for their marauding North American cousins. With a rallying motto of “Save a red, eat a gray!” the campaign created a market for culled squirrel meat.
British bon vivants suddenly couldn’t get enough squirrel. Television chefs were preparing it, cookbooks were extolling it, farmers’ markets were selling out of it and restaurants in many places were offering it on the menu.
Listen, I know how squirrels can make you crazy. The only problem with this plan: squirrel is disgusting. As the article notes, it's more trouble than it's worth to skin the thing. And even if the British can convince everyone to devour the squirrels, it is, in the end, a pyrrhic victory. Because it will make them more American than ever: