Joshuah Bearman

No Wonder I'm Rarely Groomed By The Group

I'm not the one with the box of apples!

"My Life is Complete"

So says one commenter on this:

Me -- I think the parasol is a nice touch. Not to mention the music, which I think we can all stipulate is what makes this not just another bipedal pug, but a transcendent experience that made another commenter say: "I have watched this 30 times and it always brings tears of joy in my eyes."

But my favorite comment got practical, simply wanting to know, "What modifications did you do to the stroller so she can push it?"

Leave It To The Japanese To Come Up With New Advances In Genetically Modified Cute Technology

Animals that DO Exist

I like how one of these incredible animals that actually do exist is just a really huge cat:

Some other animals that DO exist? More cats! But the real payoff is the weird scrolling message at the end: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE. Most collections of animal stills set to music may be teenage boredom, but not this one. Baby ground sloths + really huge cats = existentialism. To that, my cousin Poochie asks: are teenage boredom and existentialism the same thing? Think about it. A fine riposte. And the answer is clear, especially, if you have recently caught the Virgin Suicides on cable, like me. Twice!

It's Even Funnier Because The Dog Is So Scrawny

And looks so happy as she nurses red panda cubs in China:

The Last Organ Grinder

Re: awesomeness -- nuff said?

I'll See Your Chimp Feeding A Puma Cub

And raise you one diligent chimp washing a kitty-cat:

It's funny because it was in the olden tymes!

Just The Two of Us

If, like me, you find unusual tales of human-squirrel domesticity charming, then this is for you. Just a man and his squirrel: in the shower; on a drive; and wiling away the afternoon with a pint at the pub!

Please -- Make It Stop!

Just when you think the cuteness bubble has topped out, the bar rises again!

With Those Super Sweet Coifs, How Could It Not Be

that Cotton Top Tamarins are Metallica fans?

Thanks to one Professor Charles Snowdon of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, the world finally has some answers on a vexing issue of our time! While the rest of us were content to fuck around with plants listening to Mozart for the fifth grade science fair -- I mean, really, we all already knew that tomatoes enjoy the charm of Der Zauberfloete -- Snowdon stepped it up by subjecting some adorably fuzzy-head primates to Bach, Miles Davis, a little Zep, and a dose of Ride The Lightning. Guess which one calmed them down the most? That's right. And naturally, they preferred the early years. Nothing after And Justice For All. That stuff is for pussies. Or Pygmy Tarsiers.

I'm Not Sure How I Feel About This

I mean, you know I love monkeys doing human things. As the poster of this video of a recent Banana Derby states in the description: "Monkeys wearing little jockey silks, riding dogs like horses! Hilarious!"

But the idiot quotient surrounding this particular event seems high enough to make the whole thing feel unseemly. Then again, it is pretty cool that the dogs and monkeys are such good friends. Maybe they are just waiting for the right moment to turn on their masters one day. Imagine: an army of monkey-equipped hounds, tearing through the audience with banana-fueled blood-lust. People running, and peels everywhere adding to the confusion -- now that's something I'd like to see.

Communion with Pygmy Tarsier

I like how the editors of this article about the re-discovery of a primate species long thought extinct can't help but call the little dude a "gremlin":

Maybe that's because he is a little gremlin! Last collected in 1921, the pygmy tarsier weighs 50 grams, about as much as a king-size bag of Fritos. This particular guy was captured using "276 mist nets," according to the article -- which are what exactly? Gremlin-trapping devices, apparently. Although the mist nets are not quite perfect: "One other individual was spotted but eluded capture."

Yes, This Fish Has a Transparent Head!

The old Pacific Barreleye looks freaking crazy, right? For those who require video confirmation, you're in luck:

Just Another Petite Saddleback Tamarin

Discovered!

Cryptozoologists, take heart! The NY Times confirms what we all knew: we are in a new era of mammalian discovery:

Since the last summary of the world’s mammals was published in 2005, tallying the roughly 5,400 mammalian species then known, Dr. Helgen said, an astounding 400 or so new species have been added to the list. “Most people don’t realize this,” he said, “but we are smack-dab in the middle of the age of discovery for mammals.”

The reason, however is likely because of unprecedented human penetration into the wild. So the age of discovery is accompanied by an age of extinction. Bad news for scientists and pseudo-scientists alike. So if you're going to find bigfoot, better do it soon.

Well if Prop 8 is overturned and they got back together and decided to get married, Harry and Pepper would already be wearing tuxedos!

Gay penguins (in San Francisco!) break up after one goes straight:

Whale Sex

With Isabella Rossellini.

Once I Tried It On, That's When the Magic Happened

Every great product deserves a great review.

Kittens, Inspired by Kittens!

I think this is what is sounds like in Ronni and Marina's heads when they see super and judy.

Box Kitty

Every day is Friday for me! Please to enjoy little friend Maru:

Ronni Doesn't Think This is Real

"It could just be someone put that kitty cat's face on a monster bat body."

Cute Chess Checkmate?

Andrea Seigel says: "Sonya the Slow Loris takes Worlds Tiniest Art Director. Your move, Bearman."

Looks Like Me and the Girls Need to Take a Trip to You Know Where

Because we can't stop looking at these pictures.

She's a Talker

As my friend John Korn said when forwarding this to me: Please, please, watch this ASAP.

It takes some stamina to make it through. But I love the spirit of it: a relentless compilation, and the hosting outside of YouTube reminds me of the good old days of Ebaumsworld.

I love rare white koalas

As does everyone else in the eucalyptus forest, apparently, as we learn at :27:

Who knew turtles beeped while humping sneakers?

I mean, who hasn't been there, right? Certainly many other turtles have. Because footwearphilia, apparently, is a testudinal epidemic, as evidenced by many similar videos:

In my Ongoing Game of Cute Fwd Chess With The World, Andrea Siegel is a Worthy Adversary, But I Will Still Win!

Boldly, she sized me up. Then she saw my superkitty and baby sloth named lily and raised me two more baby sloths:

But she doesn't know who she's dealing with. You can lay cards like that down on the felt, but you better be prepared to pay the piper. That's a poker saying, or metaphor, or something, right? Anyhow, hers was a good play, so I had to answer with the meta-cute masterstroke of the world's tiniest art director:

"Oh, what sort of play is this?" you ask, fingertips touching and eyebrows arched. At first blush, this drawing may seem to be just a cartoon of some dinosaurs. But it is in fact the result of an ingeniously adorable collaboration between an artist and his four year old daughter. Together they have a blog. She requests drawings. He makes them. Then the daughter evaluates, critiques and either rejects or approves the drawing. The stats of this particular drawing:

The Brief: Some Silly Dinosaurs
The Critique: I like it
Artist Angling For A Better Quote: Anything you don't like about it?
The Critique: Don't ask me that Daddy! Just give me a treat right now!
Job Status: Approved

I know, I know. Believe me, I know. The many drawings are endlessly enjoyable. Makes me want to have a four year old daughter. But only if we can skip the years one, two, and three and then stay on four forever. Also, she can never get grouchy. Although, some critical sensibility is necessary, since some of my favorite entries from this four year old are the drawings that don't make the cut, like this the Stupid Ugly Angry Monkey:

The Brief: A Monkey
The Critique: Stupid ugly angry monkey. I hate him.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: His tummy and his belly button and his eyebrows and his hands and his feet. And his head too.

Even Cats Get Their Own Wal Mart

Every time I get forwards about animals, I say to myself: Don't do it, Bearman. Have some dignity. Take back control of your life. Don't click it. It's just a dancing Walrus, and is that really what you need more of? Apparently, it is. Because I always click on it. And then I am rewarded by the sight of a hamster on a piano eating popcorn, baby hedghogs with little casts, poodles groomed to look like teenage mutant ninja turtles, or a man who has built a remote potemkin city for his five hundred cats:

The proprieter of the Caboodle Ranch -- and yes, the news package couldn't resist intro-ing with "the whole Kitten Coboodle" -- explains that "This is animal control," while covered in no less than five cats. As Pauline, the forwarding friend in this instance, pointed out, the nature of this man's feline city raises many questions. Why Wal Mart and not PetCo? Jellotime91, a YouTube commenter, stayed true to form with a less cerebral reaction:

Amazing! I want to donate asap lol..
God I fucking love cats.

My sentiments precisely! Which makes me wonder why this video only has 27,000 views. I'd of thought it would have taken off by now. Someone once told me that no cat-related product has ever lost money. And it would follow then, that no cat-related YouTube shall ever remain un-viral. Mark my words.

Upping The Cute-Stakes

1. First, someone had the bright idea for cuteoverload. It was the dawn of an era.

2. Then, my friend Kay got on a plane from Los Angeles to New York and started talking to the guy next to her. They hit it off. It was like she always knew him, she said. Turns out she did know him. That explains that. Anyhow, they talked the whole time. By the end of the flight, Kay had plans to come back to LA to visit this guy. He lives out here, where one of his former jobs was being Kathy Griffin's assistant. This was when she was on Hollywood Squares, just before that show finally gave up the ghost. This witnessed many things behind the scenes at Hollywood Squares, such as Dom DeLuise and Vicki Lawrence playing Thelma Mae Crowly Harper, aka Momma from from Momma's Family, up close. Another thing: they used to film all five days of Hollywood Squares on one day. To give the illusion of a week's worth of quality programming, all the guests would change their clothes between episodes. All the guests except Vicki Lawrance, who never changed from Momma's outfit and therefore never changed from being Momma. While Dom would be yucking it up with Kathy, Vicki remained the sassy, smart-mouthed, sharp-tongued, and irascible widowed matriarch of the Harper family she'd been since the show first aired twenty one years earlier. Kay is no longer dating the guy who saw all this. But he went on to the wider world of entertainment. I think he works in television. But you may know his work, because he was the one who built on the precedent of cuteoverload and developed the enhanced niche version: cutethingsfallingasleep.

3. Where can you go from there? Here's where. Zooborns uppes the ante! Forget kittens and puppies, Zooborns aggregates the professionally adorable web cams and phot streams from the maternity wards of zoos and acquariums world wide. Whereas cuteoverload thinks that ducks are exotic, Zooborns on a regular old day might have baby red pandas:

Or a flully little infant Tawny Frogmouth:

That's just the beginning. You can also browse by animal. For example: cheetahs!

Monkey Adopted by Pigs!

What's up Bearman?

Oh you know, just checking out the Virunga National Park blog, seeing what they're up to on a rainy Monday afternoon. And wouldn't you know it? That little monkey they found awhile back, the one they had to abandon because of the war -- he found a home. Now he lives with some pigs in a nearby village. A ranger caught it on video:

When Animals Attack

Via Blue Lanugo.

Reds Versus The Grays

No, it's not Warren Beatty battling the aliens from Communion -- although that would be pretty awesome, especially if Warren Beatty had some kind of mechanical exoskeleton and the Grays could project psychokinetic powers. Can you imagine? If you can, stop, because this is a different war altogether, one that rages in england, where they don't even have exoskeletons! This is a war between squirrels. Between the ravenous, effective, ruthless, diseased American gray squirrel, and England's native, charming, funny-eared, red squirrel:

As reported today in the New York Times, the hearty grays are pushing out the tender reds, and the tender Brits don't like it. Their answer: eat the American squirrels!

Enter the “Save Our Squirrels” campaign begun in 2006 to rescue Britain’s red squirrels by piquing the nation’s appetite for their marauding North American cousins. With a rallying motto of “Save a red, eat a gray!” the campaign created a market for culled squirrel meat.

British bon vivants suddenly couldn’t get enough squirrel. Television chefs were preparing it, cookbooks were extolling it, farmers’ markets were selling out of it and restaurants in many places were offering it on the menu.

Listen, I know how squirrels can make you crazy. The only problem with this plan: squirrel is disgusting. As the article notes, it's more trouble than it's worth to skin the thing. And even if the British can convince everyone to devour the squirrels, it is, in the end, a pyrrhic victory. Because it will make them more American than ever: