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Aug 26, 2013

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公交人员:乘客反映,5路公交车上春天夏天秋天小偷很猖獗,而冬天就好一些! 公交领导:那是因为冬天天冷,小偷冻得都伸不出手来!小便了那么久

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天太热,我和哥们去海边凉快,也顺便去看美女。 到了那,当我们看到一位大美女时,我给了哥们上前搭讪认识的建议。 朋友很爽快,采纳了我的建议。而我则去了附近的小卖部喝饮料,一会儿哥们回来了。 我赶紧问他: 美女理睬你了吗? 哥们脸拉的老长,回答: 没理我,倒是狠狠地踩了我一脚! 看来玉佩没起作用啊 上届奥运会,王楠送给福原爱一块玉佩,辟邪的。 小爱特开心的问:楠姐我带着这个是不是抽签就不会抽到你了啊? 王楠一脸黑线:是呀,记者在旁边都笑翻了。 然后 小爱带着玉佩,抽到了张怡宁 却匪闯进银行 一劫匪持枪闯进银行叫道: 不许动!都给我举起手来! 刹那间,营业大厅里鸦雀无声。 好半天,劫匪才问: 都举起手来了吗?我忘戴眼镜了,看不清 用“却”“但是”造句 语文老师让学生用 却 但是 造句,并解释道: 这两个词都是转折连词 却 是小转,像转一个小弯, 但是 是大转,像转个大弯。 有学生立即说: 我家到学校只转几个 却 ,而到外婆家要转几个 但是 。表白从宽

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美女,我们这房子实用率超高,80平米做的小三房(三居室),真的很适合您! 适合你大爷,你才小三!很有画面感

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要求每位同学介绍一下自己,包括爱好和特长。 到我一室友时,她这样说: 我的特长是睡觉。 老师不解,问: 睡觉也算特长? 这时旁边一同学开口了: 因为她睡觉时间特长! 因为她又赢了 您总是这么晚回去,老婆不会生您的气吗? 哪里,我总是和她打赌,说我会准时回家的, 每当我回去晚了,她就特别高兴,因为她又赢了! 因为她的妆哭花了 高中入学时军训,晚上吃完饭组织我们到礼堂看鬼片。 有一次,正演到精彩部分,旁边一美女吓哭了,还叫了一嗓子。 我心想,女生就是女生胆子真小,我转过头带着嘲笑的心理想看一下这美女是谁, 结果 啊!!!! 的一声雄厚有力惨叫传遍了整个礼堂。 因为我看到了不该看到的东西:因为她的妆哭花了,吓死我了!!快睡觉吧 一天晚上,一中年男人用微信查找附近的人, 加了一个最近的女孩微信,然后消息说: 美女你好!离你好近啊! 有时间一起喝喝茶啊! 女孩回答: 爸,大晚上的,快睡觉吧 我要进去睡觉 对面楼下一小女孩狂嚎,狂哭,狂砸门。 她不敢一个人睡,要和爸爸睡。 那个男人就一直耳聋没反应,小孩就一直哭一直嚎一直砸门。 半个小时过去,她绝望地叫了: 爸爸开门啊! 小姨开门啊!我要进去睡觉! 太浪费时间了 男友: 小王小李他们实在太浪费时间了。 女友: 为什么? 男友: 他们整夜打麻将,到天亮才休息。 女友: 你怎么知道? 男友: 我在旁边看了一整夜啊! 报仇的时间到了 怀上了! 嗯,总想吐,生不如死 教给你个开心的,以前看谁不顺眼, 现在报仇的时间到了,只须轻轻瞅他一眼你就吐, 当面吐,吐完就走,一句话都表说 。。。预备起

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某大学一直为了校园里的流浪狗而大伤脑筋。 流浪狗除了有时会无意的对人乱叫外, 有的狗狗还会在上课时跑到教室,然后就趴在讲台前… 一日上课钟声打了,同学也陆续进教室, 这时又见一只流浪狗摇着尾巴大摇大摆的走进教室,看到教授头也不抬的就又自顾的趴在讲台前, 这时教授忍无可忍的大声怒骂: 「快!谁把这只狗赶走,这堂课它已经上过了!..」

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1.一屌丝从后面把班里女神的胸罩带揪开了,女神哭了一节课。。。第二节课课间,男屌丝见女神还哭便安慰道: 要不我给你系上吧。。。 2.某男陪女神逛街,女神看到一条长裙挺喜欢的,导购说你腿长人漂亮穿上肯定好看。此男道:别信导购的,老母猪都能给你说成西施貂禅。。。

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如果可以和你在一起,我宁愿让天

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为此我深感内疚,夜晚跑到天桥上大哭,在我揭面纱擦眼泪的时候,不小心被记者拍照,第二天我的相片上报纸,第三天,全城所有有家室的男人都要求离婚,白天,男人们都到我曾站过的天桥上晃悠,晚上就每天扛个被子睡在天桥上。

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爱你是我的目标,疼你是我的任务,保护你是我的事业,把心交给你是我眼下必须要做的,表达出我的爱意,是当务之急!七夕情人节快乐!!

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情人各种情来聚会,热“情”藏在鲜花里,深“情”粘在糖果里,温“情”浸在美酒里,柔“情”融在真心里,纯“情”只给一个人,爱“情”统领各路“情”,送来节日好心“情”,祝你月日情人节愉快!

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日圆,月圆,阖家团圆;禄源,财源,是你泉源;人缘,福缘,不断情缘;心愿,情愿,事事如愿!

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春风有情,流水有意;虽然我们远隔千山万水,但这春天的微风,涣涣的溪水,一样会为我翻过高山,越过万水,寄去我对你那深深的想念。七夕情人节快乐!!

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愿你生活中:十分热情,九分优雅,八分聪慧,七分敏锐,六分风趣,五分温柔,四个密友,三分豪放,二分含蓄,一分浪漫,父亲节快乐!

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Dom, C’est surtout que c’est un total parano !!! un complot entre les “fournisseurs-personnels de Casino-vigiles” , qu’il a dit !!! j’espère qu’il a des preuves pour tout ça et que les fournisseurs-vigiles vont bien s’occuper de son cas, en justice, s’il affabule … 3925 factures et il crie au scandale maintenant ??? quel gestionnaire de pacotille !!! à quand une enquête financière pour voir d’où vient sa fortune ??? ça pue les embrouilles son affaire …

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Pourquoi les homos ne se contentent pas des pacs? A cause des pensions de reversion qui ne sont pas prévues .

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Meiner einer habe gleichermaßen auf die Stadt Gasse leben, haben einen kleinen Garten im Hinterhof (praktisch die kleine Farm an dieser Stelle), gleichwohl wir bin Super faul. Hier war mein Geheimnis! Das Ausmaß meiner Kompostierung Praxis aus. Einspannen alle meine Compostables in einer kleineren Version auf jeden Fall empfehlen, dieses offene Schmutz / Gras unter Ihren Komposter, so daß alle durch welcher ja bekanntlich Flüssigkeit ablaufen kann aus den Löchern im Boden, anstatt ans sitzen gleichwohl eitern an heißen Beton. Die beste Ort für einen Komposter war nur irgendwo warme oben auf Schmutz, war toll, aber direkte Sonneneinstrahlung Teil Sonne wäre gleichermaßen gut.
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Articles in Print

  • The Fearless Personal Inventory
    Mortified -- the funniest public ritual of personal intimacy to mark the rise of confessional reality.
  • The Zombie Zeitgeist
    A full scale movement is on the lurch. But why the best zombie movie ever made a video game?
  • Believer interview with Mark Allen
    Digital artist and awesome gallerist Mark Allen talks about Tekken Torture Tournament and other projects where people were wired to machines and did strange things in public.
  • Believer interview with Marjane Satrapi
    Enlightening Q & A with the Persian cartoonist, memoirist, quick conversationalist in which she declares: “THE WORLD IS NOT ABOUT BATMAN AND ROBIN FIGHTING THE JOKER; THINGS ARE MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.”
  • ¡Viva Border Volleyball!
    Two on two on a toxic and geopolitically divided beach. (Nifty pictures and video available!)
  • Yeti Researcher
    Yet another 100-page issue of the world's top academic journal devoted scholarship about the Yeti, Bigfoot, Sasqatch, and other mystery primates worldwide. For researchers and lay audiences alike, the latest YR features a history of Sasquatch sightings in southern California, an update on the wily orang pendek of Sumatra, and a new look into Teddy Roosevelt's obsession with bagging a Bigfoot. As Editor-in-Chief, I promise you won't be disappointed.
  • The Jacuzzi Apocalypse
    Notes from Y2K. With some humor, and a nifty drawing by Carson Mell.
  • Monkey Love
    My contribution to the vast cultural conversation on King Kong and the viability of simian-human romance
  • Man's Best Friend
    Nintendogs puts existentialism in the palm of your hand
  • Digital Trim
    Hillary Clinton likes her coffee cold

Readings

  • Panda PowerPoint!
    I guess I don't mind being "the entertainment" when it's at Mark Allen's second annual Holiday Fry-B-Que. Presented: preliminary findings from my ongoing research into the most charismatic megafauna of all: Giant Pandas.
  • McSweeny's Presents: The World, Explained | Dec 9, 2006
    For those who missed it, there will be more. World, Explained is going strong! Money was raised, laughs were had, and for those paying attention, small amounts of useful information about things like the aurora borealis were transmitted. Plus: Michael Cera = lovably funny. And Nick Diamonds' renditions of Dumb Dog and Hanging Tough are still in my head. As is that horribly catchy Fresh Step jam.
  • Jest Fest at Skylight Books
    Somehow I wound up hosting the 10th anniversary jubilee for Infinite Jest at Skylight Books. Because who doesn't love a jubilee, right? Despite being delirious with Hepatitis A (that's the mild, non-lethal kind; I'm not at risk for Hep B since I always go the needle share and choose clean-looking prostitutes), I managed to not mis-pronounce anyone's name and make an erudite joke and poke gentle fun at Michael Silverblatt.
  • McSweeny's Presents: The World, Explained | June 10, 2006
    Number Three! Last one was sold out so we moved to a slightly larger theater. Andy Richter hosted, and his opening exegesis of CSI: Miami warmed the people up right. Evany Thomas presented her very scientific findings on the Secret Language of Sleep; Starlee Kine bared her neuroses to the world (or at least the 300 people in the audience); Josh Davis showed video of his 135-lb self sumo wrestling a 550-lb opera singer from San Bernardino; and Davy Rothbart closed it out with some Found Magazine magic. Grant Lee Phillips, Sam Shelton and Zooey Deschanel provided the music punctuation! I can still hear their rendition of We Are the Champions.
  • McSweeny's Presents: The World, Explained | Feb 11, 2006
    The second in our series of precision comedy and fact-based entertainment extravaganzas benefiting 826LA. Patton Oswalt was kind enough to host, and Jon Brion joined in on the piano and guitar as thematic accompaniment. Presenters included: David Rees, Michael Colton, John Hodgman (along with his hirsuit troubadour, Jonathan Coulton), and me. Plus: a fashion show of exciting multi-user garmentry.
  • Little Gray Book Lecture at Galapagos
    How to Observe President's Day. Jonathan Coulton's technical wizardry has made this entire show available online. The summary from PRX: Sarah Vowell, John Hodgman and Joshuah Bearman on Presidents' Day, along with a fifteen-piece marching band and a new song about all forty-three presidents. My contribution? Yes, from Yeti Researcher. Again. Actually that was the first one. So I have only five stories!
  • Little Gray Book Lecture 25 at Galapagos
    The Animals: Are They Our Enemies? In the case of my presentation about the giant gerbils of Xinjiang, the answer is yes.
  • July 25: TJ to LA -- A Night McSweeney's Readings
    I was honored to be part of a strange triptych along with Salvador Plascencia and Josh Kun. Sponsored, somehow, by La Ciudad magazine, we all packed into Beyond Baroque with no air conditions. 150 people showed at 7 o'clock on a Friday evening, which we took as a good sign of something. Sal held up and anxiously discussed drawings from his novel, Josh delivered an essay on the Dr. Moreau of Tijuana, and my shtick (again) was Pac Man and metaphysics, this time with fun slides.
  • October 8th: Skylight Books w/Stephen Elliott
    Fun times were had by all. Someone in the audience actually mistook me for an expert on the psychology human character. We ate shrimp cocktail and drank cheap wine and laughed at Bush and celebrated the certainty of right besting wrong in American democracy. A lot of good that did.
  • October 9th: MoveOn Fundraiser in Los Angeles
    See above.

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