New York Times Xinjiang Cover Up!

Oh sure, put Xinjiang on A1 but stay silent on what everyone really wants to know -- what happened to the  gerbils? Mummies are pretty nifty, yes, but there is a bigger story in Xinjiang, one that the mainstream news organizations wouldn't touch back in 2003 and which I, Joshuah Bearman, investigative reporter extraordinaire, blew the lid off for McSweeney's 14: the horde of giant gerbils eating china. This story is 100% true, beginning with the Reuters news item that described "the worst rodent disaster since 1993." The told us the gerbils were coming. They told us they couldn't be stopped. They told us the Chinese government was breeding eagles to fight them. And then they told us nothing. A news blackout. What happened? That is what I sought to find out:

And so began a fact-finding mission that describes:

1. Rodent drumming
2. Too many koala bears
3. Psychedelic toads
4. Desert horticulture
5. the Great Plague
6. Quizno’s ads
7. The biogeography of the mountain beaver, which apparently is neither a beaver nor lives in the mountains.
8. How quietly gerbils make poops.
9. And  let me remind you once again that it is all 100% true.

Here it is in full, for those who dare:

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