Joshuah Bearman

I Draw'd You

From the desk of Steven Davis:

Political Ratings

Apparently, the greatest soap opera in history is doing really well in coveted demographics:

The big ratings news last week was that CNN's coverage of the Democratic candidates' prime-time debate on Martin Luther King Jr. Day was the most watched debate in cable news history, with 4.9 million viewers. The previous high in overall audience was notched by the CNN/YouTube Republican Debate on Nov. 28, with 4.3 million....

On Jan. 1, a huge college football bowl day, CNN introduced wall-to-wall coverage of the candidates in Iowa under the title Ballot Bowl. By Jan. 6, viewership was up by 34 percent over regular programming.

Bigfoot on Mars

Finally, CNN gets to the heart of the real news. So that's where out hirsuite friends of the forest have been hiding. Note how Anderson Cooper plays dumb, like he doesn't know all the precies morphological differences between Sasquatch and Yeti.

Keebler Krime

BE WARNED PEOPLE:

Dwarf crime a 'growing problem'
Thieves are robbing long-distance coaches by sneaking dwarves into the luggage holds in sports bags.

Once inside, they slip out from their hiding places to rifle through the belongings of unsuspecting travellers.

Then they take their loot back to their hiding place and wait to be collected by another gang member when the coach reaches its destination, reports The Sun.

They have stolen thousands of pounds in cash, gems and other valuables in recent months.

Swebus, which ferries thousands of Brits across Sweden, has been among coach firms targeted.

A spokesman said: "We have had reports about several thefts by dwarves on the stretch between Vasteras and Stockholm.

"We're thinking of installing video cameras."

A Stockholm Police spokesman said: "We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature."

I don't care what you smell. Get down there.

Trust me, you want to click here. And don't forget the Ch'uffizi!

I smell the stink of genius

I can't believe I missed it!

Goodie Bag

Current reading:

I finally made it on CNN

Again confirming that my most notable achievement to date seems to have been being near cute animals.
  Note story highlight #2 in the teaser: "The pandas will hug you back." Yes. Yes, the will...

Feliz Ano!

Attention: I discovered iMovie! Home movies await. Speaking, of waiting this take a few seconds to get started, but it works...                                       

Milbankian?

I think Dana Milbank's satire about the DC patois might deserve it's own coinage. Since he left the White House press corps, Milbank's been making bemused but incisive observations about the alternate universe that is Bush's Washington. Here's the latest, from The Atlantic Monthly.

FRANKLY....

Just as modern French-speakers who travel to Quebec often find the dialect of French Canadians to be archaic and quaint, English-speakers who visit Washington, D.C., are frequently bemused by the language spoken there. Though the Potomac dialect shares the alphabet and grammar of English, it has a vocabulary all its own. A few examples of Potomac phrases, followed by their English equivalents:

I have great respect for the senior senator.
I am about to drill my elderly colleague a new one.

We have full confidence in his integrity.
We will cut him loose by nightfall.

I don’t pay attention to the polls.
My job-approval rating is 32 percent.

Frankly …
The following statement is false.

You are either with us or against us.
You are against us.

We identified weapons of mass destruction–related program activities.
We could not find any weapons of mass destruction.

The president has always said …
The president is announcing a new position.

I am the decider.
My authority is in question.

I am a commander guy.
My authority is all but gone.

This should not be a political issue.
My party has a winning political issue.

It’s time to stop playing politics.
The other party has a winning political issue.

Pockets of dead-enders are trying to reconstitute.
The enemy is winning.

They’re in the last throes, if you will.
The enemy has won.

War is my last choice.
The bombing begins in three weeks.

The American people don’t want open-ended fishing expeditions.
A member of my party is being investigated for wrongdoing.

Congress must fulfill its constitutional oversight obligation.
A member of the other party is being investigated for wrongdoing.

I will continue to do the people’s business.
I expect to be indicted.