Ranger Rick here. Couple weeks ago I got so pissed off at Carlos Beltran's decision to pass on a gazillion-dollar offer from my beloved Houston Astros that I actually lost the use of most of my upper body while watching ESPN at what had previously been a very fun party, and ended up standing outside on the street, chainsmoking and mumbling quiet, vowel-heavy sentences to myself. Beltran would go on to sign with the Mets, the only team I truly hate in all of the universe (see: 1986; see: heartbreak), and I would go on to lose my faith in humanity.
Today, though, I read this little news story, in which it is announced that the Houston Astros have signed 44 year old reliever and former Mets captain John Franco to a 1 year contract.
This would really be a tremendous oh-yeah?-take-that! to Mets Nation if I thought for one second that Franco, who spent most of like the last 19 years on the disabled list, is gonna be able to throw more than about 4 pitches before his arm falls off.
Meanwhile, in Los Angeles news, I hope you all enjoy your own personal former Astro and general whore for money, Jeff Kent. Jerkface.
So what do the Astros have to look forward to for 2005? Well, we've got no second baseman, no center fielder, and our all-star left fielder tore his ACL playing flag football at fucking Second Baptist Church in H-town, aka the "Bapti-dome," where they actually have a bowling alley in the basement and the one time I went there for worship I needed a tote bag to carry all the free crap they handed out during the service.
Anyway. 21 days until pitchers and catchers.