Who Doesn't Love A Monkey?

Note: For a magical experience, feel free to enlarge the following photos by clicking on them.

There is a standing disagreement between me and my girlfriend Ronni as to whether monkeys are cute and/or funny. I say yes; she says no. Or used to. That's all changed because of my new friend Gomez:

Ronni drew her line in the sand when we first met. She came to live with me in Germany, and on my wall I had a poster of a chimpanzee dressed up in tennis shorts, holding a racket, and standing on a clay court filled with like several hundred tennis balls all around. As a decoration, this of course satisfied the lasting rule that chimpanzees dressed like people = funny,  especially in poses of haplessness. Ronni said, "I don't like that monkey." I said it was a chimpanzee. "Whatever."

The thing is Ronni likes animals a lot. She used to pretend to be a squirrel with her twin sister, and she still tries to talk to squirrels when they come on the TV. Animals for her are cute by default, except apparently if they look too much like people. Could be the unheimlichkeit  --  or as they now call it, the uncanny valley -- like it's just too much neurological strain to see these things that look very similar to humans but aren't. Don't know why that would be, since a baby gorilla in a diaper is the cutest thing I can imagine; as I mention in my most recent McSweeney's article, I would pay $1,000 to snuggle with a room full of koalas for one hour*, and I hereby extend that declaration to gorillas, lemuts, bears, dolphins and tigers, all of which I hope to snuggle with in my lifetime. In fact, on a later trip to Germany, Ronni and I saw a newborn gorilla at the zoo playing with its keeper, and that started the thaw. "OK," she said, "a baby gorilla is different."

Last week, I sent her a picture of me with Gomez. He's a two-week-old macacque and was inherited by a peace corps volunteer on the island where I'm staying. So I am happy to report that one of my wishes has come true, and I can scratch monkey off the life list of hopefull snuggle partners from the animal kingdom. Gomez is a little runtish, and he lives in a box that gets carted all around the island so he can be cared for constantly. "Sometimes you gotta feed the monkey," they say, and out here it's true. Gomez often needs his bottle:

And holding. Here's what it looks like when you cook for 25 pacific islanders with a baby monkey in one hand:

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* Yes I know that koalas are actually mean and will try to claw at you if you snuggle with them.

Comments

[roxy]

cute gorillas im 11

[Caitlin Nelson]

I love Monkeys And I want one a whole lot. How much are they.

[Nick]

dude, I am sooo jealous of your monkey friend. All the monkeys here are antagonistic, and have thus far rebutted my invitations to friendship. I always wanted a pet monkey growing up. But then I came to India. The other day I was sick with the "Delhi belly" and I spent most of the rest of the day in bed convalescing. I was told that bananas were good for the stomach, so I got up and went and bought a bunch. But only a few feet from my returning to my room I was accosted by a marauding monkey. I saw him coming from afar and I snarled and glared to let him know I would tolerate none of his monkey-business, as it were. He looked away as he passed me, feigning disinterest, and then took a swipe at my shopping bag and sent my bananas scattering to the floor. Before I knew it, there were monkeys everywhere, and I was fumbling for my room key to escape the frenzy. It was an experience that would once and for all disabuse me of my naïve, childhood romance with the idea of a cute pet monkey friend.

What the fuck are you doing out there? vWhen are you coming back? I leave india in 3 hours. then Thailiand in February. whoohoo!!